19 Quotes Every Newly Single Person Should Read

There’s a lot to love about being single: You get to do what you want, eat what you want and sleep on whatever side of the bed you want

To remind you that being single is better than being in a bad marriage, we’ve rounded up 19 quotes about single life from Pinterest. Read them below. 

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My Children Are Not Victims Of Divorce

When I realized my marriage was falling apart, I begged my ex to try harder for the kids, to go to therapy for the kids, to stick around just a little while longer for the kids. And he did. He tried harder – for the kids. He went to therapy – for the kids. He stuck around just a little while longer – for the kids. Neither of us was trying for us and our marriage. He, a child of divorce, wanted to do better and end the cycle. I, a child of happily married parents, wanted to avoid sticking the girls with that label. We were both so terrified of what divorce would do to our children that we tried for longer than we should have to save what wasn’t meant to be saved.

When we agreed to end our marriage, I sat in my therapist’s office, crying those big ugly tears one cries when they’re surviving solely on chocolate malt milkshakes. I cried to him in exasperation, terrified of the stigma that would forever follow my girls now that they were children of divorce. He looked at me as he often does when he’s getting ready to point out how irrational I’m being and said, “So, you’re worried about what stigma? The one of them being just like fifty percent of their peers?”

A few months after our separation, our oldest started kindergarten. At Open House before the year started, the teacher asked us all to share any information we thought she should know about our children. As my ex and I sat there together, wondering how we would all be seen by the school, we felt the need to explain that our intelligent and talented little girl was a child of divorce. We explained that she sometimes got sensitive and teary-eyed – this was because of her status as a child of divorce. Never mind the fact that she had been that way from the moment her personality began to shine through or that her dad had been the exact same way as a kid.

First grade came around, and my ex and I again went to Open House together. And again, when the teacher asked us all to share any information we thought she should know about our children, we explained that she sometimes got timid and shy and unsure of herself and that this was the result of her being a child of divorce. Never mind that she was one of the youngest in her grade or that her mother had been the exact same way as a kid.

During all of that time, I would also catch others’ comments. News of my divorce was often met with something along the lines of, “Oh, I’m so sorry. The poor girls. Are they doing alright? It must be so hard on them,” or, “Your poor girls. It’s always the kids who are the victims.” Yes, it was hard on them. It was hard on all of us. It’s not something I would wish on anyone, but I wouldn’t say that the girls were suffering because of it. Struggling? Maybe. Confused? Sure. In need of some good play therapy? Definitely. But victims? No.

Fast forward two years. My ex and I have worked hard to create a co-parenting relationship that works for everyone involved, especially the girls. We’ve gone from me having full custody to their dad having them every other weekend to what is now a true 50-50 arrangement. If you were to meet our girls today, with two years of being children of divorce under their belts, you would never label them as “Victims of Divorce.”

Our I. is almost 7 years old, and she is kind, compassionate, helpful, sincere, full of questions, and incredibly curious about the world around her. She is an amazing student, always following the teacher’s directions, obeying school rules, befriending those who most need a friend, and pushing herself to reach new levels academically. Her grandfather has always called her “Bright Eyes” due to her sense of wonder. She asks questions that make me think in ways I’ve never thought before, and she reminds to slow down, to do handstands and flips in the pool. She is careful and observant, weighing all of her options before making decisions. She is unswayed by the influences of others, and she stands firm in what she believes in and wants.

And our M., just barely 4 years old, is the most goofy, considerate, loving, thoughtful, and socially intelligent child you’ll ever meet. She has become the resident nurse, tending to those who are crying, sick, or injured. When others hurt, she hurts with them. She is her grandfather’s sidekick, and she truly believes she can make his cancer all better. She makes sure he is always covered with his blanket that she and Big Sis made for him when he first went away for treatments, and she brings him food and drinks. She snuggles with him when he is too tired to play, and she runs to give him the most enthusiastic hugs when she sees him. She is also the goofball of the family, with a spirit to match her curly “crazy hair.” She is the one racing to the top of the water slides at the pool or to the tower for the zip line at the beach. We call her our wild child, not because she is out of control, but because she lives life to the absolute fullest, fearless and with confidence.

My children are so many things. They are young ladies. They are students. They are sisters, daughters, granddaughters, nieces, cousins, and friends. They are intelligent and talented. They are thoughtful, compassionate, and considerate. They are strong-willed and hard-wired for success. They are so many things. But they are not, and never will be, victims of divorce. To label them as such would blind others to the amazing beings that they are.

This year, when my ex, my boyfriend, and I go to Open House, I imagine I.’s second-grade teacher will ask us all to share any information we think she should know about our children. Together, we will explain that she splits her time between two households but that she will never be permitted to use that as an excuse for missing assignments. We will explain that she has a large family with many siblings from both homes and that she may talk about different sets of mommies and daddies, along with a plethora of grandparents. We will explain that she loves schools, strives to make her teacher happy, and works hard to truly be the best student she can be. And I believe that her teacher will figure out the rest: that she, like her sister, is thoughtful, kind, intelligent, talented…and anything but a victim.

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The Top Five Reasons Why Divorce Is So Hard — Even If You Have An Attorney

Going through the divorce process is hard no matter how you slice it. I know, I know, I’m not exactly breaking the atom with that statement, but I always wonder;

Should getting divorced be so difficult?

If you don’t have an attorney and are representing yourself, the process is overwhelming and confusing. That’s easy to understand. You’re not an attorney. Why would you know how the court system works and what the law is regarding determining alimony on a 8-year marriage with one income earner?

The legal system is not like you see it on television.

Judge Judy is entertaining and knows her stuff, but most of what you see on her show is for dramatic purposes and ratings. (Don’t get me wrong; I would not have looked forward to appearing before her in court when she was on the bench…she’s one tough cookie!)

What makes the divorce process so stressful?

Now, we’ve all heard stories about either a friend’s divorce, or their friend’s divorce, or the neighbor’s divorce. But, no two divorces are exactly alike and each one is determined on a case-by-case basis based on the facts and the law in effect at the time.

For example, I would bet that a marriage of 4 years with no children will probably be less difficult, stressful, etc. than a 24-year marriage with three children, multiple properties, investment accounts, etc.

What’s the difference?

Length of the marriage and number of assets that have to be divided in the divorce.

However, I would say that the number one reason why the divorce process is so difficult, no matter how long the marriage was, or how many assets have to be divided, is the simple truth that it’s hard to separate out the emotions of the marriage and relationship from the business of getting divorced.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times…

Getting divorced is a business transaction. Plain and simple.

It’s getting people to treat it as such that is the problem.

Should Divorce Be Considered Happy?

When people come to me seeking my help in their divorce, they are not in their “happy place.” Unfortunately, in the divorce business, I only get to see people when they are at a low point in their lives.

That’s why I try to add a little levity and humor to my writing and divorce talk. Because, I believe if we lose our sense of humor…we’ve lost it all. Laughter and some mild self-deprecation can do wonder to your state of mind. And, people tell me it also relieves gas “(an added bonus?!)

I’m not trying to make divorce a “happy” occasion, but I do believe that if you were/are in a toxic marriage, a divorce can be a happy occasion. Both people deserve to be happy. If you and your spouse have put in the work and it still hasn’t improved the marriage, then divorce may be the answer.

I often hear one spouse say, “I didn’t want the divorce.” They are sad, depressed and don’t know why this is happening.

If one spouse is not happy, then the marriage is not working. Even if you didn’t want the divorce, you deserve to be happy too, even happier than you think you are now if you thought the marriage was fine.

People like to rehash everything that went wrong in the marriage during the divorce. That’s the real problem and the reason why it takes so long.

That’s really what therapy should be for, not attorneys and judges. But, it’s hard for people to separate the two. That’s just the reality.

If emotions were taken out the divorce process, almost every divorce would be completed in no time and for a lot less cost to the parties. If people didn’t fight over their children like they do now, wow…I can’t even imagine.

Yes I can! It would be GREAT!

No custody evaluations, experts, or parent coordinators. That would shave down the time it takes to get divorced by half, if not more right there. One can dream…

Having an attorney represent you in your divorce should make it less stressful, but also makes it more expensive. However, sometimes the attorneys are the problem and instead of making things better, make them worse.

Choosing the right divorce attorney can mean the difference between a divorce that lasts six months, or one that lasts two years.

For example, if your attorney is a “litigator,” which basically means someone who prefers to fight it out in court, then strap in and open your wallet; it will be long and expensive. If one side in a divorce wants to proceed that way, it’s unfortunately hard for the other spouse to stop it.

My best advice to client is: treat your divorce as a business transaction and don’t get caught up in the emotional drama of it all. Easier said than done, yes. But it will save your mental health and hopefully your wallet.

Jason Levoy a/k/a The Divorce Resource Guy is a divorce attorney, coach and advisor who assists people who can’t afford an attorney how to navigate the divorce process. He runs a FREE divorce support group where people going through the divorce process can meet others going through the same issues and ask questions.

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After An Affair: Staying Together

The discovery of an affair is gut wrenching. Often the pain and betrayal is too much to overcome and the relationship will never fully recover. However, relationship researchers like John Gottman and Esther Perel have found that an affair doesn’t always need to be the nail in the coffin. In fact, many of my couples have used the affair experience as a catalyst for improving and strengthening their relationship. In The Gottman Method couples learn that in order to redevelop their relationship they must move through three stages: Atonement, Attunement, and Attachment. These three stages help the couple to rebuild trust, increase intimacy and move forward with shared life goals.

Atonement

The atonement phase makes or breaks whether the relationship can successfully continue after the affair. If the affair partner is not willing to atone then the relationship must end or there will be continued resentment.

I often use the metaphor of a bank account to describe this stage to couples. An affair is akin to taking your account into overdraft. Not only do you need to pay back the amount you withdrew, but you will also have a penalty. The partner that cheated will need to make deposits through trust building behaviors (like granting access to e-mail or offering to check in during the work day), expressing empathy for their partner’s pain, and describing how they will prevent future betrayal from occurring. The betrayed partner will need to learn to clearly express what they need and how they expect to receive it. I also remind this partner that they cannot continually impose penalties. There is a reason banks are not allowed to do that anymore.

During this phase there is also individual work that needs to be done. The betrayed partner will often experience obsessive thoughts, feelings of disgust, and family and societal pressure to leave the relationship. It is crucial that this person receive honest answers to any appropriate questions. To manage the societal pressure, I recommend that they find another person with a similar experience to talk to or that they research the statistics of how common this predicament is. Normalizing the situation and reminding them that leaving and staying are both viable responses can be a healing experience.

A very taboo aspect of moving forward in an affair is that the “cheater” needs time to grieve the loss of their affair partner. It is an uncomfortable reality that the affair partner was providing something — sex, emotional comfort or excitement — and that loss needs to be recognized.

Attunement

Once the couple has worked on trust building behaviors, it’s time to begin the “attunement phase”. At the beginning of this phase, I ask my couples “Are you both ready to face your responsibilities in the cause of this affair?” This is a difficult question for many people.We often want to believe that the affair is one sided and is completely the fault of the philanderer. However this is rarely the case. It always takes two to tango. The affair is only one secret that’s been kept in the relationship and there are often many other wants, needs, and feelings that have not been discussed by either partner.

Attunement is the stage in which couples get to know each other again. They’re encouraged to be open and honest, even when it may hurt. In Gottman Method Couples therapy we call this building “Love Maps”. When you build a love map you open yourself up to sharing your inner world: fears, aspirations, desires, and memories. You can start to reattune by asking things like “in what ways has our relationship let you down in the past?”, “what are your hopes for our future?” , “what is your biggest hope, fear, need right now?”. This is also where you reattune sexually. Are there sexual desires that you have not disclosed? Talk about them and truly listen. The video “Its Not About The Nail” is a great description of what listening does and does not look like.

Attachment

This phase is marked by a solid commitment by both partners to stay in the marriage. They feel safely and confidently attached to each other and can begin to reassess life goals and meaning. Couples in this phase have weathered the storm. Esther Perel notes “Couples who can successfully recover from an infidelity often display a significant shift in language: From “you” and “me” to “our,” from “when you did this to me” to “this was an event in our life.” They talk about “When we had our crisis,” recounting a shared experience. Now they’re joint scriptwriters, sharing credit for the grand production of their life together”.

To solidify the “our” in the relationship couples reassess their rituals and life goals. How are they saying goodbye in the morning before work? How do they greet each other when they get home? Is there any consistency to holidays and weekends? When is their next vacation? How will they raise the children or plan for retirement? What legacy do they want their relationship to leave after they’ve died? I’ve found that my couples know they are in this stage when they begin having fun on dates, increase their sexual intimacy, and talk with more openness and security.

Happily Ever After

Couples that move through these three stages find that the affair becomes an important part of their story. It’s the point in their relationship where they “woke up” and realized that something needed to change. They use it as an important reminder to maintain openness and to respond to each other’s needs.

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7 Inspiring Stories Of In-Law Friendships That Survived Divorce

One of the toughest parts about divorce can be giving up a relationship with your in-laws ― but you don’t have to. 

Below, seven divorced men and women share why it was important for them to hold onto a relationship with their ex’s parents.

1. Because she didn’t want her family to be torn apart.

“I’m not only still friends with my ex-in-laws, but I also still consider them my family. I choose to do so because when people get divorced, families have the choice to grow and change or to be torn into shreds in the process. Our family chose the latter. My new husband and I invited them to our wedding, to birthday parties and other events, and my father-in-law read scriptures at my father’s memorial service. My mother-in-law still calls to sing the birthday song to me. I love the three of them dearly ― my ex’s mom, stepmom and father ― and I think we set a wonderful example for our children.” ― Trish Eklund

 2. Because there’s no reason to make divorce more complicated than it already is.

“I am very much still friendly with my ex-husband’s family. I loved them then and I love them still. They were always very good to me and are still a big part of our children’s lives. There is no reason to make a situation like divorce more complicated than it needs to be. It’s hard enough on family and friends. Why make it worse? At the end of the day, we are all still one big family even if the picture looks different than it used to.” ― Julie Scagell

3. Because his ex-in-laws didn’t cause the split.

“My ex-in-laws were not the cause of my divorce. They are two great people who are an important part of my children’s lives. My ex-father-in-law and I continue to go to church together and my ex-mother-in-law is always a sound ear when it comes to working through issues with my ex-wife. I love them to death and can’t imagine my life without them. They both know I still love their daughter and will do anything for her despite how the marriage ended.” ― Andrew Slattery 

 4. Because they’re related to her children.

“They have supported me throughout the turmoil of my last few years of marriage, they stand for what is right and they will always be my son’s grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins. They are a part of him as much as a second family to me, even without my ex being around us. It’s important that my son knows who his blood relatives are and maintains a positive relationship with them, in spite of what happened with his father and me.” ― Amanda Racey Roadcap 

5. Because they’re still family.

“I have a special relationship with my ex-in-laws. In fact, in my mind, there is no ‘ex’ when it comes to them. They are the grandparents to my daughter, and my mother-in-law and I have always been very close. We are family, regardless. This arrangement may not work for everyone who has been through divorce, but I am happy that it works for all of us.” ― Erinne Magee

 6. Because they’ve been there in times of need.

“They are wonderful people and the grandparents to my child. I divorced my spouse, not the whole family. They have been there for me always.” ― Amy Roberts 

7. Because they simply get along well.

“My ex-husband and I fell out of love, but not out of friends, and I was lucky that my ex’s in-laws still wanted to be my friends, and my family. My ex-husband, Derek, and I divorced after 16 years of marriage. We stayed friends, although it was not always easy in the beginning. He then met his new wife after six months and she became part of our family. After a few years we also started celebrating Christmas and Easter together. I met my present husband after being alone for three years and, with no problems, he just joined our extended family. The first time we went to England together, we visited my ex-mother-in-law, and she made us feel very welcome. Likewise when we went to see my ex-sister-in-law. A few years later we also met my ex-brother-in-law. What they all said was that I was still family.” ― Ulla Jessen

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The Unusual Question That Can Help You Work Through Heartaches

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When you’re faced with heartache, author and former pastor Rob Bell suggests asking yourself one admittedly weird question.

Have you gotten in the habit of breathing?

What makes this question so profound, Bell says, is not what it means on the surface, but what lies deeper within its linguistic connection to the past.

“Across so many ancient languages and ancient cultures, the word for ‘breath’ and the word for ‘spirit’ were the same word,” he explains. “This ancient understanding [is] that the breath that you’ve taken is what keeps you alive, but that breath is a picture of a deeper spiritual reality, which is, ‘You have received this gift of life.’”

As Bell says, knowing this and then asking yourself that question can help offer you a nuanced perspective when you’re in the midst of experiencing pain, loss, heartbreak or trauma.

“Sometimes, we’ll talk about a stressful situation in which we had to stop and catch our breath. That breath was a gift,” Bell points out. “This next breath is a gift. The breath after it is a gift.”

With that perspective, he continues, the path toward healing breaks wide open.

“Now, the pain, the loss, the heartache, the betrayal ― all of the stuff that comes with life ― if it exists within this larger embrace of gratitude, now you may actually be able to get through it,” Bell says. “That’s the path.”

Another important reminder:

Everyone: It’s actually pretty easy to become a force for good in this world

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8 Things You’ve Been Taught About Marriage That Are Totally Wrong

A word to the wise from marriage therapists: Don’t buy into every piece of relationship advice you read in a magazine or hear from a well-meaning aunt. (For instance, “don’t go to bed angry” is total malarkey; it’s probably better for you and your partner to address the issue in the A.M., when cooler heads prevail.)

Below, couples therapists take to task common beliefs about marriage that couples should ignore.

“I’ve heard this one on my couch so many times that it’s starting to drive me nuts. Usually, one partner (or both) will come in telling me that their relationship isn’t 50/50 and they feel like they’re carrying more than their fair share. But marriage isn’t a 50/50 compromise and you certainly shouldn’t be keeping track of who is doing more in a tit-for-tat fashion, either. Sometimes your partner will have difficulties and you’ll have to carry your partner for a while until they sort things out. This means you’ll carry more than your share for a while. But usually, they’ll do the same for you while you struggle with your challenges, too.”― Aaron Anderson, a marriage and family therapist in Denver, Colorado

“It’s true, we all do need love. But despite what most pop songs and movies have taught us, healthy marriages need way more than just love in order to thrive. In addition to love, couples need respect, compatibility, good communication skills, humility, safety, chemistry, acceptance, play and diligence ― and that’s just naming a few qualities.” ― Andrea Wachter, a marriage and family therapist in Northern California 

“Oftentimes, couples that are struggling in their relationship are led to believe that if they have a child, it will bring them closer together but this isn’t true. Children will exacerbate whatever is already present in the relationship. If you have a good relationship, a child will make it better but if you have a bad relationship, the demands of a baby will make it worse. Having a child adds a great amount of stress to a relationship and unless there is a collaborative effort to share the care-taking responsibilities, it becomes a breeding ground for resentment and disagreement.” ― Olga Bloch, a marriage and family therapist in Rockville, Maryland 

“As a marriage counselor, this is one of the most common ones I hear on my couch every day. But it is just downright silly. Whoever came up with this seems to expect you to get over problems within a day but the truth is, couples have problems ― real problems ― and not all of them can be solved in 24 hours. Sometimes it takes weeks, months or even years to solve them. You can’t expect to solve all problems in a day but you should expect your partner to try to make repairs whenever they do damage to you or the relationship.” ― Aaron Anderson 

“It’s widely known that opposites attract. But while that keeps things exciting in the beginning, in the long-term, those differences can create conflict. That conflict can leave you feeling like you don’t belong together or are incompatible but if you put in the work, conflict can be your portal to becoming a better spouse. Attempting to understand what your partner feels and wants from you will lead you to a more satisfying stage of the relationship. You love more consciously.”― Jeannie Ingram, a couples therapist in Nashville, Tennessee 

“Everyone has heard that sex is like a well that dries up after you get married. But in fact, the opposite is true: Couples in long-term relationships actually report having more sex than their single counterparts. The biggest problem with this myth is that when couples stop having sex or being intimate, they shrug it off as normal instead of seeing it as a sign that something is wrong in the relationship.” ― Aaron Anderson 

“Many people live with the expectation that their spouse should simply know what they need and then they feel resentment when they don’t. But our partners cannot possibly anticipate, know and meet all of our needs. Getting our own needs met from various healthy sources (including ourselves) and voicing our needs in a respectful, mature manner can help dispel this common, wrongheaded belief.” ― Andrea Wachter 

“Yes, it’s a delicious feeling when you feel loved and love someone, but genuine love is demonstrated through actions. It’s about choosing to be thoughtful and demonstrating tender behaviors. The truth is, the feeling is the result of the action. If we want to feel love, we need to be loving.” ― Jeannie Ingram 

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