Self Appreciation, Self Depreciation and Relationships

You are the only person in your life who is always there.

The relationship that most impacts how happy you are and what you are able to accomplish is your relationship with yourself. Everyone else (parents, children, significant others, extended family, friends, coworkers, and acquaintances) comes and goes. The extent that you appreciate who you are and what you are capable of is the extent that you, your potential as a human being, and new and existing relationships will appreciate. The extent that you depreciate who you are and what you are capable of is the extent that you, your potential as a human being, and new and existing relationships will depreciate.

Self appreciation entails being able to acknowledge and honor your strengths and your weaknesses, where you excel and where you have room for growth, where you are knowledgeable and where you are ignorant, as well as the choices you’ve made that you are proud of and the choices that you will make differently moving forward because you weren’t. Self appreciation is the understanding that where you are is the only place you can be given the examples you’ve known and the experiences you’ve had. Self appreciation is accepting yourself exactly as you are and as you’re not, with kindness, compassion and eventually, love.

Each moment is the first moment of the rest of you life. Seize this moment to let go of where and how you’ve been depreciating yourself. Be aware of when you fall into the pattern and change it up. Begin to utilize life and it’s experiences not to fix yourself but to grow and evolve. Caterpillar is a necessary stage for eventually unfolding wings and taking off to sip nectar. Where you are today is the only place you can be and the only place from which to step into tomorrow.

By practicing this perspective and eventually assuming an attitude of appreciation you will begin to hear other’s differently and assess what they are communicating from a place of clarity, curiosity, and peace.

Imagine standing in appreciation of yourself and engaging in the following conversations:

Exchange #1

Angie: I don’t believe you said that. Only an idiot would say that.

Michael: Wow, that’s a strong response. Sounds like you have some strong opinions around this topic. How come?

Exchange #2

Sam: I don’t believe how long it’s taken you complete this job. Anyone else in this department could have done it in half the time.

Maggie: The same thought crossed my mind. I haven’t been feeling well the last few days and it’s slowed me down. In the future would you rather I came to you to let you know if something is slowing a job down so I can get your feedback on how you would like to proceed?

Exchange #3: (internal)

Self: I don’t understand why I can’t get my computer to run faster. I am such an idiot when it comes to technology. I probably screwed it up with that free download.

Self: Back off on the criticism. I am more familiar with technology than I’ve ever been. It is an immense field constantly changing. Who can I speak with about why my computer is running so slowly, if that free download has anything to do with it, and what can be done to get it back to speed? I want to get on with my work, not beat myself up.

These calm responses can only come from someone who no longer buys into the story that they are an idiot, is no longer ashamed of not knowing what they don’t know regardless of what they or other’s think they “should” know, and who understands that a strong reaction from yourself or someone else indicates a position of some sort. Such responses allow for seeing where you or another person is positional, and if that position is supportive for achieving your goals and objectives. If that position is one of depreciation you can reposition yourself for appreciation. Once you have rerouted yourself for appreciation your experience of life becomes simpler and more enjoyable, conflict lessens, and you make clearer choices of who and what to invest your time and energy in.

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”

― Iyanla Vanzant

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