[part 2 of “An Open Letter To The Bride Who Thought She’d Never Marry”]
I know times have been tough, and the last couple of years have felt like a rollercoaster; emotionally, physically, and spiritually. That’s the thing about divorce; one day you’re popping champagne with friends celebrating your freedom, while another you can’t help but notice most other moms your age are having second babies – while you’re selling a house that was once a home, splitting assets, and sharing custody.
That being said, I can promise you things will get better. Time heals most wounds, and you’ll realize there’s peace and forgiveness in your heart. Heartbreak and anger will fade into acceptance and newly found independence.
The silver lining found within your ending marriage is the positive people and circumstances in your life wouldn’t be there if you hadn’t gone through the anguish of change. Like death, you mourn during divorce, and you have to allow yourself to grieve to move forward. Life is tough, but remember, so are you.
You will lose some friends who won’t understand you’ve had to be quite selfish at times to survive, but, the people in your life right now truly love and support you, no matter how often you’re too busy to respond to a text (and then forget it ever existed in the first place), can’t answer a phone call because you’re chasing after a toddler, or trying to balance 39871 things at once, or how frequently you may have to reschedule get-togethers.
Time will continue to pass and you will always put being a good mama first; don’t ever feel like you’re making the wrong choice by doing so. Nevertheless, remember that taking time outside of work and mom life to fill your being with things that make you happy will make you a better person and an even better mother. Take time to dabble in hobbies, mend friendships, and do things that make you feel whole.
You’ll pick up yoga again, and you’ll read inspiring books. You’ll make a 2016 adventure list and start to check them off. You’ll start a journal and dive back into blogging again. You’ll fall in love with healthy cooking, and find a passion in helping others. You’ll do some pretty incredible collaborations in your professional career, and deserve to feel really proud of yourself.
Every other Friday as you approach “daddy’s weekend”, you’ll always worry about what your son is eating, wonder if he misses your bedtime snuggles, and question what he’s doing when he’s not with you. But, you’ll eventually learn to accept this is your new normal, and he’s always just a phone call away. Plus, toddler hugs and kisses are even more special after a couple days apart (although a weekend always feels like forever).
I know you don’t believe it, but you will eventually find room in your heart to forgive the hurt of infidelity. Because of it, you find what true strength and courage feels like. You will always stay true to yourself and what you believe in, and you will continue to blossom and grow.
Although it may seem like something you’ll never want to open your heart up to again, I can tell you that you will eventually go on dates post-divorce. Some of them may convince you that you may want to be single forever, and you’ll constantly question what’s up with this nonchalant modern dating scene, but the point is to meet people again, talk about adult things, and feel like a person. A woman.
Moving and separating assets will be challenging, but, hey, you can move into a beach shack only you and a pint-sized person would fit into, you can pick out your own bedding for the first time since college, you can clutter your fridge with photos, make meals only you want to eat, go where you want to go, when you want to (even if you’re always running late), and through it all, you will continue to learn who you want to be along the way – as a mother, a businesswoman, and as a person.
On the brink of 30, you will thank yourself for remembering to always find the beauty in breakdowns and see the glass half full. Immersing yourself in a life filled with vivacity, vigor, humbleness and adventures will keep you mentally healthy and happy. You are living a life full of self-love and creativity that you so deserve, and have always yearned for.
Life as a single mom sure is tough, but it actually makes you feel free. Makes you strong. You have always been worth fighting for, so continue to be inspiring, know you’re never alone, and know you deserve to be loved, supported, and treated as an equal. You are a loving mother, friend, and person, so keep your zesty spirit alive, always.
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