Jumping back into the dating scene after divorce? Here’s what not to do.
Below, HuffPost Divorce bloggers share the very worst behavior they’ve witnessed while dating fellow divorcés. Learn by these poor examples, people.
1. They talk endlessly about their kids and dogs.
“One guy spent the entire date showing pictures of his teenage sons and his four Saint Bernards on his phone. His khakis were covered in dog hair. Were these photos meant to convince me that he was not a sociopath but a caring father of both humans and canines? He also went to great lengths to explain the grooming needs of both sons and dogs and asked if I might like to come meet them all.” — Kerry Neville, author of Necessary Lies
2. They apologize for being divorced.
“Apologizing for (or trying to explain away) past relationship failures is one of the worst things anyone can do while dating. Men and women shouldn’t be ashamed to be divorced — it happens! — but I heard apologies all the time.” — Shelley Wetton, blogger at Mamalode and DivorcedMoms
3. They send sexts directly after the date.
“What would you do if you got this text after one date, completely out of context: ‘Can I give you kisses all over your body next time we’re together?’ Yep, a date sent that to me. Call me old-fashioned but courtship is fun and sexy.” — Bill Douglas, blogger at Resilience Guy
4. They can’t stop talking about all they did with their ex.
“One recently divorced man started just about every sentence with ‘we.’ ‘We used to go skiing.’ ‘We loved movies.’ I’m just on a date with you, not you as a couple. You might need to learn to rephrase your past experiences in the first person.” — Rosemond Perdue, blogger at Round & Round Rosie
5. And yet, they spend the whole date badmouthing their ex.
“So many people spend the entire date complaining about their evil, twisted, horrible, sadistic, narcissist, sociopathic former spouse. I’ve done it and I’ve been on dates with men who literally will turn every topic around to make it about their ex. It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about the weather, food, a cocktail — it will all end up going back to their awful ex-wife. Both men and women are guilty of it.” — Juliet Jeske, comedian and writer
6. They even call their ex during their date.
“I’ve had several experiences where my dates would spend the entire evening talking about their ex-husband and text, call and check in on their kids. I recall one instance where, after a 10 minute text conversation with her 12-year-old daughter, my date called her ex right from the table of the restaurant. She proceeded to yell at him about something he was doing with her daughter. After hanging up, she told me, ‘Men have no clue how to raise daughters.’ I felt compelled to remind her that I have three daughters and was doing pretty well raising them on my own.” — Matt Sweetwood, writer and speaker
7. They figure their date is a sex-obsessed cougar.
“Just because I’m divorced doesn’t mean I’m ready to pounce on you. The great thing about being divorced is having options.” — Stacey Freeman, founder of Write On Track
8. They text at the rate of a teenager.
“Unless you’re a transplant surgeon, why must you keep your phone on the table during a first date? I had a date where a man never looked up from his phone. After an hour, I asked him the color of my eyes and he had no idea — and he had no idea why I was asking!” — Marcy Miller, author of Rebooting in Beverly Hills: A Wise and Wild Path for Navigating the Dating World
9. They pry about their date’s romantic history.
“After divorce, an average first date conversation might include the following line of questioning: “So, you ever been married? Oh, you’re divorced. So…what happened? He die? He cheat on you? Deadbeat? Drugs? Oh, you left him?” — Janet Bertolus, blogger at The Observer’s Voice
10. They can’t plan a date to save their lives.
“My biggest pet peeve is the ‘I don’t know, what do you want to do?’ response to planning the date. If you ask someone out, you should also plan it. Honestly, just figure on a drink at a bar with a cool vibe. Women have to make so many decisions on a daily basis, whether it’s about their kids, their careers or their personal lives. We’d like to see a potential partner have some ability to make a decision and execute a plan. If a guy can’t plan a first date, then there most likely won’t be a second date.” — Amy Johnson, blogger at HuffPost
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