Make Choices Based on What You Need, and Not What You Think You Want

There is a difference between wants, needs, and choices. Many times in life we get what we want, but not what we need. Meaning, what we want, and what we actually need, may not be the same things. We may be convinced that what we want is exactly what we need, until we have it, then we realize that it was not truly what we needed at all. If we were able to stop and think whether things are wants or needs, and were really honest with ourselves about it, we would be in a much better place. If we would stop and do this, our choices would truly show who we are, and not simply what we want. That would be a very different presentation, and likely one that others and ourselves could have a great deal of respect for.

If we met two people, and one always made decisions based upon what they wanted, and the other made choices solely on their needs, I would tend to believe that the second person would be the one that we would have greater admiration for, and want to be around. I think this is most true in relationships, especially when we resume dating. It is taking that hard look back and deciding what we need, not what we think we want in a relationship. Here are some wise words from unusual sources that might make you think:

1) “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

2) “I fell in love with him. But I don’t just stay with him by default as if there’s no one else available to me. I stay with him because I choose to, every day that I wake up, every day that we fight or lie to each other or disappoint each other. I choose him over and over again, and he chooses me.”

― Veronica Roth, Allegiant

3) “But until a person can say deeply and honestly, “I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday,” that person cannot say, “I choose otherwise.”

― Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change

4) “In the end that was the choice you made, and it doesn’t matter how hard it was to make it. It matters that you did.”

― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass

5) “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’

‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.

‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.

‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.

‘- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,’ Alice added as an explanation.

‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

6) “As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”

― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

7) “Before you can live a part of you has to die. You have to let go of what could have been, how you should have acted and what you wish you would have said differently. You have to accept that you can’t change the past experiences, opinions of others at that moment in time or outcomes from their choices or yours. When you finally recognize that truth then you will understand the true meaning of forgiveness of yourself and others. From this point you will finally be free.”

― Shannon L. Alder

8) “Choose your love. Love your choice.”

― Thomas S. Monson

9) “Sometimes you have to choose between a bunch of wrong choices and no right ones. You just have to choose which wrong choices feels the least wrong.”

― Colleen Hoover, Hopeless

10) “How would your life be different if…You stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? Let today be the day…You stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others”

― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

11) “Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent’s generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.”

― Bill Gates

12) “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.”

[The Information Technology Management Reform Act of 1995:Hearing before the Subcommittee on Oversight of Government Management and the District of Columbia of the Committee on Governmental Affairs (1996)]”

― Theodore Roosevelt

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