Many people struggle with the idea of being alone, and many have the habit of jumping from relationship to relationship throughout their lives, what they fail to realize is taking time to themselves may be the best choice they have ever made. This is usually not just a pattern that started with their marriage, it has been a pattern that preceded in their dating life. They are uncomfortable being alone, and they only have a sense of self-esteem when they are involved with someone, and know someone is interested in them. They have determined that their greatest meaning is if they are loved by another. While that may end up being the end goal, the current goal need to be that they are loved by themselves.
We all know that person, we may be that person, or we may have been that person. That person who cannot be alone, that person who thinks that their life has little meaning because they are not paired with another. They need to learn, or relearn, what it is that makes them unique and special. They need to find their inner strength and self-esteem again, as this is when they will truly be happy. There is a truth, we attract how we feel about ourselves. If we have low self-esteem, people pick up on this, and we attract a lower caliber of people. If we have high self-esteem and know that we have great worth, we attract someone who is of equal worth, who is our partner, and who treats us with the love and respect that we deserve
The most important thing to understand is that we cannot start to get to know ourselves, and who we are as an individual, if we are continually involved in relationships. This is especially true if we have been involved with someone for a significant amount of time. When this is the case, we have often lost track of who we are as a unique individual, as opposed to a couple. We have spent so long with any identity of “we,” that we have forgotten what it means to be “me.” There was a person, a person before this relationship, a person that the other person fell for. Somehow in the years together, as life takes its toll, and as they deal with life’s twists and turns, that old version of ourselves is lost. We must take the time to find them again.
Even direr the case is the individual who has always been with someone. They have spent their lives going from one long term relationship to another. They have missed some important formative experiences that help them define who they are, what makes them so special, and that shows them the individual strength they possess, that they may have never given themselves credit for. People often demonstrate a deep strength, but are completely unaware that this is what they are doing. They give credit to others, to outside forces, before they would give themselves credit.
So plan a solo trip, join a meetup.com group with others who share a common interest, go back to school and get the degree you never finished, volunteer at something you have always wanted to try, and with people you have always wanted to help. Each of these things helps define you, it helps shape you, and it helps you to discover who you are, and what you stand for. Taking this time on your own, may prove to be the most important time you take in your life, as what good can we be to anyone else, if we are not keenly certain of ourselves. Relish this time, it will be one of the few times in our lives that we have only to ourselves, and that we have to explore and define who we really are. Take your time and enjoy it.
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