Second marriage can be a disaster, or it can be the best thing that ever happened to you. What’s the difference? Marrying the right person for the right reasons.
The following is a list of 10 questions to ask yourself in deciding whether or not he’s second marriage material:
1. Are the two of you are alike? That means do you have similar likes, core values, and interests? Do you enjoy spending time together and do you like to do the same things? Do you view world issues the same. Are your values in raising your kids similar? The list goes on. The more alike you are, the better chance your marriage will work.
2. Do you trust him? I mean really trust him? When things get a little rough, is he going to walk away? Do you also trust him with finances and other household decisions? Do you also trust that he will be loyal to you, i.e. not cheat?
3. Is he your best friend? Can you talk to him about anything. Do you feel like there isn’t one thing you don’t feel comfortable discussing with him? Does he get you? Do you get him? Do you enjoy him? Does he enjoy you?
4. Does he have a good relationship with his kids? If he doesn’t, that might be a red flag.
5. Is he thoughtful and kind? Is he considerate? Does he do sweet things for you with no agenda? Does he treat others in a kind way?
6. Do you want to take care of him and can he handle it? A woman who truly loves a man wants to take care of him. That is not possible unless the man is willing to let her. In other words, he has to be someone who isn’t afraid to show vulnerability and the need to be loved and cherished by his wife.
7. Does he really want the marriage? “Marry someone who loves you more than you love him,” my mom always used to say to me. Although I believe that both people should be madly in love with each other when getting married, there is a little truth to the fact that the guy really has to be over-the-top and completely committed to the relationship and the marriage. He has to really, really want it. You shouldn’t have to put pressure on him to get married. He should be the one pursuing it. He should adore you. You’ll be able to feel it if he does.
8. Do the two of you have the same vision for your future? Everyone sort of has a retirement plan. Is that plan the same for the two of you? Think about it. This is the guy you are going to grow old with. Does he want to move to Arizona but you want to move to Florida when you are retired? That’s a problem. It’s worth discussing it.
9. Is the sex is great? It’s important that the two of you are on the same page in bed. You might not agree, but sex is a form of communication. It connects couples on a different level. It fosters a closeness and a bond that is very important in a marriage lasting.
10. Do his kisses take your breath away? Does this really need an explanation?
The thought of second marriage can be very scary to divorced men and women, and understandably so. After all, you’ve been through a long, heartbreaking breakup, followed by a legal battle that was most likely frustrating, expensive, infuriating, and scary. Why on earth would you want a second marriage?? Because, with the right person, marriage could be a totally different and better experience. But for that to happen, he needs to be second marriage material.
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially” for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.
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