Being in a relationship shields you from a lot of unsolicited advice. Unfortunately, when you’re newly single or divorced, everyone and their mother seems to have something to say about your personal life.
It can all be a bit much. Below, HuffPost bloggers and readers share the most unwanted pieces of “advice” they’ve heard post-split.
“Relationships can be good and relationships can be terrible, but a relationship can never make you whole. Comments like this make it seem like they do, like as lovely as it might be that you’re enjoying single life, ‘real life’ doesn’t start until you have a spouse and kids.” – Ashley Lawson
“As a divorced mother who sees her son part-time, people often think I live a leisurely life and don’t have the responsibilities that full-time mothers in relationships do. Full-time parents seem to envy what they think is a carefree life without my son everyday. I end up having to break their illusion that I’m fed grapes by Roman gods all day. I tell them that I have the same responsibilities they do — and even some that they don’t.” — Kathy Kaveh
“I have been divorced for five years and I prefer it that way. I’m good coming by myself, thank you. And I know how to talk to people in relationships so I am good with that, too.” — Matt Sweetwood
“I know what I want so please don’t assume I need extra time on some internal quest to figure it out: I want financial freedom, financial stability. Love. I want happy, healthy, productive, fearless and kind kids. I want to publish (as soon as I actually I write and finish it) my book. I want to exercise regularly, eat healthy, drink plenty of water and reduce my stress. And I really want a wine void of calories that tastes good (and add some cheesecake in there while you’re at it).” – Heather Gillis Harris
“News flash: there are countless women who are married and still have to manage work and caring for the kids themselves. When I explain to people that my kids and I are a team and that even my little one helps by making her own lunches and cleaning the bathrooms, many people are quite envious.” — Alison Jacobson
“Oh sure, that might help. Why not add an additional level of inflexibility and need to my life at a time that I’m trying to prioritize work and family?” — Cherie Morris
“You don’t need to make me feel better by knocking your own life like I’m not missing out. — Katie Stringer
“At this point in my life, I don’t ever plan on having children, but my reproductive decisions have nothing to do with my relationship status. My reasons are internal and external; they involve the things inside my head and in the world, none of which would change if I had a ring on my finger. I’m constantly surprised so many people assume not only that I want children, but that I’m wracked with fear over whether I’ll be fertile enough when the time comes. It’s insulting, really.” — Ashley Lawson
“Dating after divorce is hard. In fact it sucks. Please don’t reinforce this fact by recoiling in fear as I share my horrific dating stories. Try not to look so relieved that you still have your spouse to return home to and promise me there are still a few good men out there.” — Heather Gillis-Harris
“Sure, single life certainly affords a level of freedom that I never experienced in my marriage — taking up the whole bed, eating chocolate for breakfast — but there are things about single life that are not at all glamorous. Going from a stable dual income to one unstable writer’s income – not glamorous. Working seven days a week to make up for the loss in income – even less glamorous.” — Danielle Porter
“Absolutely I do! I did when I was married, too. I recognize, though, that I can’t control everything the kids do or certainly most things my ex does. So I make the best decisions I can with and for the kids and try to let the rest go. And if you’re married, you should try to do the same thing.” – Cherie Morris
“I’m pretty sure that’s why I got divorced in the first place, because I did (and still do) love myself. I got divorced because I was unhappy. Because he was unhappy. We were unhappy. It took years of therapy for me to realize that because I loved myself, I wasn’t with the right person, nor was he. I’d rather be single and in love with myself than in a partnership that made me feel alone.” – Heather Gillis Harris
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