Boomers make feckless comparisons with their parents’ generation, like 60 is the new 50. Shaving off 10 years simply because we don’t like the idea of getting older is just blowing smoke up our collective butts. But, there is one glaring generational difference, and that’s our disparate sexualities.
We’re Here, So
There are 80 million boomers, so our parents definitely had sex, albeit not likely the dirty variety boomers enjoy. I ignored my father’s sexual advice since he was the guy who told me masturbating was unhealthy. Our parents had no sexual credibility. I think our parents did consider sex dirty, just not in a good way.
So 80 million hormone-raging flower children started a sexual stampede. We enjoyed flaunting our sexuality in front of the untrustables. You remember who they were — everyone over 30.
Boomers are into dirty sex, but what does that mean anyway? Sex, Age & Menopause, a baby boomer’s manifesto, contends the Bible sparked patriarchal societies 5,000 years ago, and that one result was that sex suddenly became dirty, but in a bad way. Prior to this women were considered goddesses and sex in every form was wanton, enjoyable, and acceptable. I’m not suggesting boomer guys treated women like goddesses in their effort to turn 5,000 years of sexual repression around. “Does she put out?” was the question young men asked, and “Is he a premature ejaculator was what young women wanted to know. But consider how amazing it was that in less than a decade boomers turned 5,000 years of uptight sexuality on its head. Disclaimer: Some states still have laws that dictate how people can fuck legally.
Dirty sex has many definitions. Sexual commands; cum in me, put your finger in my ass, suck my cock, eat my pussy, swallow me, lick my clit, and countless other instructions are eagerly given and just as eagerly obeyed because most boomers enjoy their sex on the dirty side. Who says 5,000 years of history can’t be turned around?
It was Woody Allen, decades before his marital scandals that set the record straight about dirty sex. Answering Johnny Carson’s question, is sex dirty, Woody quickly replied, “Only if it’s done right.” Johnny agreed and so did boomers because we understood what dirty meant.
There was the perception prior to the 60s that Europeans were more into sex, dirty or otherwise. But I think it was that Europeans were simply more comfortable acting on their sexual instincts. And while I feel porn has seriously damaged America’s sexuality because it’s more violent than dirty, pre-60s porn was tame in comparison. Men kept their short, black socks on and women seemed almost chaste. Old porn wasn’t dirty in any way.
Best Sex Imaginable
I grew into my sexuality believing dirty sex wasn’t about love, but I’ve since realized it has everything to do with emotional love. The best sex, especially for aging boomers, is with an emotional connection. This emotional bond actually enhances dirty sex because this connection negates trust as a sexual issue, and the best dirty sex involves trust and vulnerability.
Douche Sold By Douchebags
That fewer women use douche is a statement about women’s self-esteem. The notion that the natural aroma of a woman’s vagina is unacceptable is Mad Men gone berserk. Shaming a woman into buying deodorant for her vagina was misogyny for profit. Incidentally, my veterinarian advised me to pour douche over my dog when he got skunked. That it worked miraculously well says everything anyone needs to know about douche.
If you’re a boomer in a loving relationship whose sex life is in limbo, stalled quiet, boring, or same old same old, consider accessing your baser sexual instincts. Explore your sexuality and leave no stone unturned. Say out loud what you’ve been thinking to yourself for years. No one’s watching, and you might find that dirty sex is the best sex you ever had.
Is sex dirty? I hope so.
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