Another drinking holiday, another douchebag. The Cinco de Mayo douches might seem similar in nature to our St. Patrick’s Day Dicks, but there are few differences to make note of. Here are five DB’s to look out for on the fifth!
The Sombrero Douchebag
First of all, unless you are in a Mariachi band, why do you even own a sombrero in the first place? This guy probably went out and spent too much money on an extravagant, eye-catching sombrero just to wear to the bar. This guy is not even close to being Mexican, so don’t even try that excuse.
The Corona Douchebag
This could go one of two ways: Committing to drink only Coronas since it’s Cinco de Mayo (I mean, most likely they’re on the drink specials, so he can’t be blamed too much) or a guy who refuses to ever drink Corona and wants to only drink AMERICAN beer. So why are you even celebrating a Mexican holiday in America? Oh, because we’re a country full of douchebags, duh!
The Chihuahua Douchebag
This is the one thing about Cinco de Mayo we’re really not that into. He’s not a person, but c’mon, we know they’re all douchebags. (Except for my brother and sister in laws’ chihuahua and the Taco Bell one; they’re cool bros).
The Patron Douchebag
This douche can heard before seen, mostly likely singing LMFAO’s “Shots” as he rounds up the bar and refuses to drink any other tequila but Patron (which, c’mon, is good, but not the best tequila ever). He will be seen later sucking down the worm, followed by being passed out in the corner of the bar.
The Poncho Douchebag
Similar to the Sombrero Douchebag, this guy bought a Mexican poncho last time he went to Cancun and wears it yearly at the bar for Cinco de Mayo. If you’re especially unlucky, he won’t be wearing pants.
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